Adorkable Nair~(Induction) Day 1.

On the Day 1 of the field visit Nair is asssigned a senior to buddy (Rockt singh~ ye ye the best salesman f d year kinda guy; u got that right people) and D'(k)Boss { people- from now on we cud kep he "k" silent wokey } has offerred to do the day-1 market with him...

Nair is seemingly kicked about D' Boss coming along ~ perks of joining in from a reputed YemBeeYea college ~ he assumes...
May the Lord Guruvayurappan forgive him~ for he is a adorkable greenhorn.
See this is what happens when u be a "Dayscholar" at college~ you miss the most important part of your education that happens (WONLY &WONLY) in THE hostel...
"On the day one" seniors line up for nothing else!- (just to get to know you first-hand offcourse )


5:30 am

Alarm Goes off..

I was at Ahmedabad when the earthquake happened~ lived on the 10th floor of an apartment at Jodhpur char rasta... I slept through the commotion, only to wake up later an walk into the balcony in my superman undies to find the whole world gathered on the road ~and then froze n stood statue-still ~as if me taking a steps gonna bring the building down.. had to call for help to get don to d ground psstt...

And you think a silly alarm cud wake me up~ sssshhheeee~!

6:30 am

D'Boss, Rocket all ready n waiting for Nair...
Nair is not even answering the phone...
Two rounds of early breakfast and Nair is still MIA **

7:30 am

In the dream land :
This is why I love these MNCs... its just been a week and im a part of the bangkok trip ~~~~ yeayeayeahhh U heard it right ~ im in the bangkok trip list. ssoo niceeee nnnoo !
Tickets ~ paid for
Food~ paid for
daru~ paid for
Sight seeing ~ paid for
strip show clubs - own money
travellin allowance and DA~ allowed

landed in the evening , got my visa stamped on the arrival at bangkok~checked into the hotel~ dumped suitcase~ strrraaigghttt to the nightclub ..
all INR that I had converted to Baht...
Adrenaline pumpin at the wrong places has got me NUTS by now...focus focus focs ! Stay focused .. feels like im in a dream  ( im a virgin! satyam! .. hey dont laugh people~ god promise)
Stopped on the way to d nightclub at a supermarket ~ picked up a crate of beer~ all 6 down before i got to d strip club~ Daru expensive inside u know... The famous indian way of staying in high spirits inside an expensive joint and saving monies too ..." lose ur marbles but not ur pennies" theorum u know ..

Its like that Axe Efect u know ~ whenever Im drunk on beer women just get drawn to be me like in a trance.... within minutes inside the club im a being escorted into a private room...( fool its d MONEY honey.. not d hunk in u or d beer ~ i would leave that for the experience to teach me later )
Quick decision making always featured as one of my greatest  strengths in all the SWOT analysis ive ever  done...ALWAYS_without wasting even a fraction of a second had got pally to a RUSSIAN inside d club....eeerrr jus that i cud just reach up to her shoulder in hight..err%$#@ nver mind thats caled blessing in disguise :)
Ayyo bhagawanneee.... Now I know why people are so craazzzy about their first KISS!

I just had mine and Im wet ! aaaaaaawwww!

But she wudnt leave me ~ shes getting wilder... passionately smoochin on my lips ~boys will always be boys u know ~im done with it lady~i cant fake it now .. i slowly open my eyes to see her face ~

AAYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Im here .. in my bed in Pune ~ Goofy my dog happily licking my face YYyaaaaaaKKKKKK!!!
OhhhhHHHHhhh Faaaaaaaaaaack! I over slept !

D'Boss & Rocket are already on the way to the upcountry market ~ Nair's been told to reach by his own!!!

So Much for the new Louis Philip shirt, New shooose and new Ferrari (first copy) perfume~ all the dialogues I had rehearsed and kept ready for the first imbression !!!


Chiii!!!


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Adorkable Nair ~Chapter 1 (Induction field trips)

                                      the induction

~field trips~ to begin with -

D' Boss believes "jo shuru shuru mei ragadta hei vohee heera banta hei"... (ie; agar ragad ragad ke choora na ban gaye ho tho ~as per d stats formulae "gy = agb + (l-a) gk + q" *** , the cream who makes it .)

Every MT in the hystory of corporate world LOVE it  (like HATE it ) ~(in brackets offcourse ) and every love-hate relationship starts with a honeymoon period (tradition u know.. cant break it people)...inductions are no different .. the ***The Four" R's "  of managing this cimportant phase are as follows

(i) Every one puts up their fakest best or may be the bestest fake ~ its all cosmetic

(ii) Everyone asks the right questions~ usuallly to show off all the useless/ antediluvian /impractial/inoperable concepts and jargons that one picks up at college (canteens) lectures (gyans)..~ all in d endeavor of emanating the right chemistry/signals

(iii) Everyone makes the right noices ~ even if u dont get it ~FAKE IT~

(iv) Be it at In-laws or be it at the new office ~ cement the right relationships with the right people ~ u gotta make ur network map for survival
+++++++++++++++++++

Its not for no reason that the mallu land has the highest literacy rate ~ Candidates like Adorkable Nairs are the ambassadors of this land ~living up to it whole heartedly every minute~ when it comes to ennnnnnny Theaorrryy _ they can bloody mug it up*** (refer notes at d end for the secret potion)... when it comes to Execution ..


Execution  =     first discuss/debate/research/validate + unionise to thozhilali union/INTUC/politicise
                       _______________________________________________________________
                           Apply it when u get time from the unending lifting-folding-unfolding-liftin... of lungi


net net Mr Nair was going to apply the theory for the first time in life and apply it as he understood/misunderstood best !






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Notes:
*** gy = agb + (l-a) gk + q=google it out if u cant sleep "CONCEPT AND MEASUREMENT OF PRODUCTIVITY BY‘GBOYEGA A. OYERANTI . i googled it out to make ut n equation for d heck of it magane;)

***four" R's "=( u must be wondering whats this four "R's"ayyo machha..generally faked the "four P's" mathiri .. four "R"ules hihihi)

*** secret of mallu memory= ( secret of this in the rice u eat there u know ~WHO/NASA/REDCROSS/INTERPOL/RUSSIONS/ISI/MOSSAD/VHP/SHIVSENA/SFI/BABA RAMDEV - everyones researching on this  very life changing secret)

Adorkable Nair

A mallu "Yem Bee Yea " steps into the corporate world , aspiring to prove his mettle and carve a space of his own~
By the grace of Guruvayurappan and  the glowing academic track record to back him ( he came an auspicious 51st in the class) Nair has landed the best job in the campus .

Theres been a buzz in the air in the office  that's been getting louder  by the day~office intranet social groups been raving about the new genius in town...
the office politics and boss bashing have nearly disappeared from the smoking zone's gossip charts , only to be replaced by the quirky antics of Mr. Adorkable Nair.

Story of inspector clouseau ( of the pink panther fame ) is an amateur when compared to the fumbling journey of Mr. adorkable Nair through the corporate world where he tries to be in control while in reality is magnificently clueless about whats happening around him...He is like the Adrian Mole in his perfect combination of vanity, pathos and super-duper silliness.

From the day zero at office of mistaking the first call from his Boss to be from some collection agent  to  walking into his first meeting dressed up for a party (he thought "invites" usually are meant for parties, formal meetings are on "appointments") to the vows of "sisterhood" with lady colleagues ( brotherhood for boys~ sisterhood with girls ~ people who are raising their eyebrows phew ! go get a life people~ it was all in the right spirit~6 large vodkas when he stopped counting )...Protagonist - adorkable Nair has been living it up on a fast lane much to the amusement of people around...

To keep reading the whacked out day to day adventure stories of Adorkable Nair keep coming back to this space ~

JLT

From where the assortment of all silliness begins...

Born as the only child into a mallu family based out of Orissa, grew up in the steel township of Rourkela amongst people from literally all parts of the country. Childhood spent on heavy dope of sports representing my school, “SAIL” where my father worked and  Orissa the state I lived~ in three major sports cricket, football and table tennis .While juggling between studies and sports theatre helped me to release the pressure and keep myself amused with living different characters on the stage.

Left home at 18 to do my college and since then have been on the move. Since then have lived in Chennai, pondy, Mysore, Hyd, Bangalore, Gujarat, Delhi and now excitedly exploring Maharashtra n goa.

Family comprises of my parents from whom I still draw my inspiration and energy, are also the source of all the confused “orthodox mallu born n brought up in north syndrome”..

A very loving, understanding and full of life better half "V" , born to Tallu Parents in Punjab and brought up in all over the country owing to Father’s Airforce background  brings in  just about the right mix of “paradox of mixed upbringing”  adding color to the never ending theatre @ home..

Our highly inquisitive, super hyper, pink color obsessed  Barbie swearing angel daughter "A" who’s really challenged and helped me to look at a fresh perspective of everything around.Poor things been confused about which language to follow in general owing to the cross breed culture that she represents of the new age India…( Im told a common syndrome amongst the cross breed kids in general )

And now a chilled out son "D" who’s busy sorting out the new world (read eccentric family ) he’s stepped into in 2011...

To keep myself sane , alive n kicking in between all the work pressure I try my best and take out time to do a bit of photography, reading, watch sports and when I really have time on hand once in a while try expressing myself by penning down a few lines.

This is where the assortment of all the silliness begin …

Weekend snippets

For a while been dying of guilt for not spending enough time at home with family....and this weekend I decided to change it all~decided totake it head on ~ Turn it around ... and I stayed home with a plot to make it up once for all...

The perfect Agenda had it all...Playing d" perfect daddy" to win back the "responsible son" crown to show ma wife Im d same old "fun to be with fellaw " she fell for few years back.

5.45 am
Alarm bajne laga hei.. !!! Damn !
Veena's Staring hard @ me....I pretend to be fast asleep (as usual) (and she knws)
V's whispering loud why d hell do u hav to put an alarm for so early even on a holiday...
with a stupid grin on ma face I scramble fr d fone n put it off~ gesture peace

8.00 am
Alarm in the mind goes off this time and I jump out of d bed its like d final call for boarding n d airport...n thts d usual tippin point that makes me move my weight ;) ..
Both "V" & baby Anjali stop playing ,gwak at me nowwwhhaaat ? U said u gonna be home today
errr...ya i would come back early..eerr by lunch..i mean just couple of hours...yeah m workin from home today.. i had quickly sensed the MAHAUL and picked my stance....
ufff ajkal ghar per bhi ye sab natak karna padta hei ...

9 .00am
Mom has asked me a zillion times by now If Im ~Rrreaaaallly ~staying home today ...and if she should ~Seeeerriously~ plan for some f ma fav dishes for lunch..I dont blame her !
Perched on top of d kitchen slab (ma usual place since childhood when mom makes garam garam dosas )and "V" right nxt to me M on a roll today ... 5 down and I've just started .. Ggwaad ! few things never change in life... D welcome change being now I have a wife giving company n competition ;) N Im so thankful..

ps: thanks to BLJ contest i have lost d capacity to eat too many @one go ! @#$%!! Never mindM gonna come back after an hour fr a second helping;)

11.00 am
catchin up on family gossip wid mom ~ Done ! (hav huge family tree,n r fav past time's discussing each f dem.. its real fun ;))
wrestling with baby anjali ~ Done! (I lost d bout :( psst secret secret )
Dad's comfortable on d bean bag with d TV on and snoring ! ufff I cud never keep him interested in my talks fr more than 30 seconds !#@# Never mind ,Im no Quitter
V's tryin to put d baby to sleep..( though it looks d other way to me from the look of it, and thats wht usually happens out f this )
FB ~Done..All TV channels ~browsed ..
NOWWAAHT! Im getting Restless

1.30 pm
After two n half hours of discussion we havent found an answer ~ Lunch ke badh kya karein ? Dad's still on d bean bag ~I guess hes seeen it all and too many times to be bothered anymore..;)

I give up too! cant resist the chicken curry aroma coming out f kitchen !hhmmm...

2.30 pm
Sarojini Ngr Mrkt ~ first time after being in Delhi for a year~
Lookin at d setting 'f d place Im kinda reassured _monetarily less damaging..but i can sense its gonna be painstakingly long before I can get these ladies outta here... Now I know why dad settled to stay back at home n take d BBIIIIGG responsibility 'f filling water in d tank ! N Now I read the wink he gave Shuks M trapped !

6.45 pm
still in Sarojini ngr mrkt ~ I m looking like a husband now !~ M hiding even in midst of this maddening crowd ;) !

8.50 pm
Back home ~ Lessons learnt :
Shopping is Shopping , be it in sarojini ngr or shoppers stop ~ Equally damaging to d pocket !
quantity shopping's damaging in all ways ~moneywise ~timewise~utility wise~etc..etc..etc

But hey ! trust me its worth the instant stature boost one gets (though its temporary and has only a few hours shelf life )

10.00 pm
Work's less tiring ~ Now I can relate well to all those faces I see in office on saturdays regularly~